February 1, 2014 - I Almost Lost my Big Sister

On the morning of February 1st, my boyfriend just left to run errands and my kids were sleeping.  I checked my phone as I do every morning.  Missed calls from my mother and father!  I immediately expected the worse.  They are both not "callers". 

I called back sadly expecting to hear bad news about my moms older brother who was in the hospital.  Instead my mother told me that my only big sister, Asiyah Grant, was in a horrific car accident.  She said they were unsure if Asiyah would make it.

Asiyah was living in the British Virgin Island of Tortola with her husband, step-son, beloved dog Dora and other dog Mystic.  

Asiyah went for an early morning jog on February 1st and was hit by a car. The drivier sped off.

Upon hearing this from my mother, I screamed and collapsed to the floor..

http://www.virginislandsnewsonline.com/en/news/update-zion-hill-hit-run-driver-released-without-charge

Part One: Growing Up

There are 5 Grant sisters.  Three of us born in the 70's and 2 of us born in the 90's.  Asiyah started this familial sorority 10/07/1973 and I joined her two years and a day later.

I was a darling and delightful child. 

Asiyah and I rarely fought. 

As the years rolled on, I followed her from school to school and our relationship grew. Of all the sisters, we spent the most time in the same schools:

Elementary school: PS 316

Intermediate School: IS 383 Phyllipa Schuyler

High School: Brooklyn Technical High School

College: SUNY at Buffalo

(I went to other schools for my advanced degrees in education)

Asiyah graciously let me tag along with her all through high school. I was able to go to clubs and hang out with her and her friends. 

In college she continued to play the big sister roll. She would chastise me if she felt I was partying too much. She also introduced me to college groups like NSBE, National Society for Black Engineers, African dance class and BSU, Black Student Union. She lead me to becoming an RA, Resident Advisor in the dormitory. 

We were also road dogs on those long 8 hour rides from Buffalo to Brooklyn and vice versa. 

One time the car stalled on the side of the road. (This was before cell phones). After looking under the hood at nothing we recognized for a few minutes, I was able to get the car to started. We both decided that there would be no pit stops until we made it to Brooklyn. 

Asiyah graduate from SUNY Buffalo with a civil engineering degree while I graduated with a degree in Psychology. 

Asiyah made a career as a civil engineer and moved continuously in her position with the government:

Washington State

Denver

Albany

Delaware

Maryland

New Jersey

I pursued education.  But as our early twenties came our bond continued.  We stamped up our passports. We took amazingly fun and adventurous trips. We went to:

Costa Rica

Paris

Rome

Alcapuco

New Orleans

Saint Martin...

I remained in Brooklyn while she worked all over. By age 26 I was a new mommy working as an infant and toddler teacher for Bank Street Head Start. 

Around this time Asiyah switched careers to pharmaceutical sales.  She bought a nice home in nearby New Jersey. 

6 days shy of my 30th birthday, I had baby number 2 and was living in my new home in Bushwick. Asiyah always an adventurer around this time met a man on a girls trip to Tortola and moved there.  They would later marry.  

As the only sister from the seventies to remain in Brooklyn, I cared for my little sisters, born in the 90's as well as my kids. Tjana and Djenne were my first babies.  Asiyah having been gone for most of their upbringing was more like the older sister on the Cosby show. She was rarely seen.

But she continued to be a sister that I can count on to vent to.  She was always a phone call away.  She has always believed in me and has always wanted the best for me. She has been a personal cheerleader. She has always been very blunt and forward with me. 

My personality has been that if I have an issue, I need to talk it out. My family however is very private. My mother keeps matters to herself. Asiyah absorbed a lot of this behavior. I rarely knew what issues she was having if any. 

In recent years Asiyah and I were taking girl trips with my amazing cousin that has a vacation villa in Pompano, Fl. It was during these trips that she opened up about herself more. (After some prying)

Asiyah mentioned feeling that as the big sister she felt the need to be composed and strong. She didn't feel it was right for her to bring her "baggage" to her younger sisters. She wanted to be our rock. To divulge her wisdom and opinions but not share her personal experiences. 

I felt fortunate for those trips in 2012 and 2013 because it gave me an opportunity to expand our relationship even more. 

October 7th 2013, she turned forty. She spent most of the year in and out of trying to make different plans to celebrate her upcoming birthday. She settled into a quiet reflective birthday in Tortola. 

While the island is beautiful it's not just a day at the beach. Paradise for her had work duties. Fortunately as she turned 40 she left a miserable job as a civil engineer and started a career in wealth management. Asiyah also had pet duties, home chores, interpersonal relationships...  The same issues that come with living any where. 

In less than 4 months of being 40, her new promising new career, her health, her life was almost taken away from her.... 

ExposureMom

Part Two: She has come undone coming soon