Single Moms' Club

Tyler Perry has new movie out called The Single Moms' Club.  I don't go to the movies often so this is yet another movie that I won't see until it is on Netflix. Luckily Tyler Perry movies often are shown on Netflix.

But the topic of being a single mother is near and dear to my heart because I have been raising to children in a one parent household. 

Oxford dictionary defines a single parent as:

• A person bringing up a child or children without a partner.
  

Singlemomguide.com says that: 

Out of 12.2 million single parent families in 2012, more than 80% were headed by single mothers.

The movie The Single Moms' Club is about five struggling single moms put aside their differences to form a support group, they find inspiration and laughter in their new sisterhood, and help each other overcome the obstacles that stand in their way.


So, technically I am a single mom, but I've never clung to that title.

My parents have been together for over 40 years and my grandparents were together for over 60 years. There was initially shame in being a single mom because of that. I had grown to believe that I was going to get married and have kids but that didn't work. 

There are also a lot negative images in society about single mother. 

There is an image of  "The struggling single mother"   

* Parenting is a challenge whether you have a partner or not. But when you are single, the image seems to be that parenting is a burden. My kids are a joy not a problem. I love being their "momma". 

There is also the thought that single parents are blamed for all the wrongs in society. Crime, drug abuse, child abuse etc. 

*I work very hard to raise loving, caring, smart and thoughtful children. I feel that parents regardless of their marital status want the best for their children. No one wants the heartache of seeing their child in jail or hooked on drugs. 

The negatives about being a single parent have made me not feel an affinity with that title.  

 

The main reason why I also don't feel like a single mother is that I have so much support. 

Brooklyn is my hometown and I have tons of family and friends that I can rely on for childcare, support, advice etc. 

My kids also have a great school that often feels like a second home for my kids. When there are personal issues, my kids always have a place where they are completely supported, encouraged and listened to. 

In my career I have seen single mothers who were new to NYC and even to this country. They had no support system here. Sometimes English was their second language. I work in the field of preschool special education. So not only are they alone in a new town but they were also dealing with a child with a special needs. 

That is really what I see as a single parent. I couldn't imagine moving to a new country and having to support a child alone.   

I love being a mom and the truth is I do the bulk of it alone. I am a "single mom" but have been so fortunate for my circle of support. 

ExposureMom

Tiger Mom Versus Tyrant

 Yesterday I watched an episode of Wife Swap with my family.  The formula of this show is usually the same, strict mom versus laid back mom.


* One family usually has a mom who has her kids do chores, follow strict rules and partake in extracurricular activities.  That mother may also be very religious and/or also very health focused.


* The other family usually has no rules, the mom insists "The kids are allowed to be kids"  These kids typically rude to their mother, eat junk food and play hours of video games.


While watching this show, I always tend to favor the strict mom.  Although the kids seem kind of unhappy, the standard that she makes her kids adhere to is commendable.

I hate to see when the "laid" back mom changes the rules.  That is when the once healthy, intellectual children end up eating bags of skittles while chugging down 2 liter sodas and painting on the walls of the house.

Now, how does this reflect me as a parent?  Hmmmm


As a Libra, I believe that I am balanced mother.  I have a code of conduct for my children to adhere to while also allowing them to express themselves.

But once I started to question whether I was a "Tiger Mom" after two particularconversations:

Conversation 1:

I was going over several options for my childrens weekend extracurricular activities with my aunt and mother. I was contemplating over which activities to place them in noting that several of these activities were taking place at around the same time. Should I have them learn an instrument, take art instruction, golf or soccer? After speaking on it for a while my mother said, "Why don't you ask them?"  I actually hadn't thought of that.  I allow them to choose some extracurriculars but I have also signed them up for things I have wanted them to do.

Conversation 2:

We were approach by an after school staff member about my kids being included in her sign language class once a week for a half an hour. Both kids told the lady they were interested. But once the women left my son said he wasn't really interested and asked me if he really had to do it. My short answer was yes. You can become tri lingual. He already speak English and he has been taking Spanish since Kindergarten. He is currently in the 6th grade. The idea of adding American Sign Language would be a benefit for his future resume and you never know if he could help someone. But he really didn't want to do it and said he was interested in possibly being part of his school theater group.

As ExposureMom, I want my kids to be exposed to a lot of different things. 

My kids complained when I initially put them in golf but they started to love it and missed it when they didn't have classes. 

I want my kids to try new things and complete what they begin. 

They may complain initially but they always gain from new experiences and feel a sense of accomplishment when they complete something. 

They like when they get a trophy, a medal or a certificate, or have a recital. 

My son hated Judo but he finished the program and got a medal.  I won't make him do it again but at least he completed it.

Even though I "make" my kids do things, I am gentle with them and we have tons of laughs and good times.

They have never complained when the new thing I want to try is a different types of restaurants or a new vacation location. 

What are your thoughts? 

Do you make your kids finish a class/course whether they are no longer interested?



ExposureMom

Shape up Mommy

Being a mom is a balancing act.  Being a fit mom is extremely difficult.  Whether you are a single mom, a mom with a partner or even a mom with a staff(nanny, housekeeper, cook), it is hard to carve out time for yourself.  

Plus, most moms deal with guilt when they try to do something for themselves.  Whether we go to have a drink with friends, have a date night or go to a gym; we still feel like we should spend time with our children.

I enjoy a good workout.  Before having kids, I could treat myself to expensive gyms and spend 2 hours at a time at the gym.  I was able to enjoy various fitness classes or zone out to good music on a treadmill.  I was able to sit in the steam room or sauna without rushing to get home to do homework or cook dinner.  

Once I became a mom, my workouts changed.  I could no longer afford those expensive gyms and I was never a mom with a jogging stroller so I usually worked out at home.  

One summer I seriously got into P90X.  I have also done Jillian Michael and Celebrity Fit Club workout DVD's.  I also own a treadmill that I actually use, most of the time.  I am currently using it to prepare for two half marathons in April. 

I still enjoy group fitness classes.  But it is often expensive and hard to do fitness classes when you don’t have a childcare.  Here are some options.

 1.  Bed Stuy YMCA

Address: 1121 Bedford Avenue, Brooklyn, NY 11216
Phone: (718) 789-1497

Transit: A C G S B44 to Bedford Avenue and Gates Avenue; B52 to Bedford Avenue and Gates Avenue

http://www.ymcanyc.org/bedstuy

 

The YMCA in Bed Stuy was an affordable option for me for a number of years and they have childcare that the children enjoy.  

I once joined a gym that I will not name.  It offered childcare and when I went to pick up my 1 year old, the staff member was sleeping.

 The Bed Stuy YMCA offers 3 hours in the morning 9am-12pm and 3 hours in the evening 6-9pm during weekdays. They also offer 3 hours on Saturday mornings. 

Membership allows your kids to do swim lessons, camps and other programs at the discounted membership rate. 

2. Yoga to the People

http://yogatothepeople.com/ 

Address: 12 Saint Marks Pl. – 2R  between 2nd and 3rd Ave.

Yoga to the People offers affordable yoga classes throughout NYC.  I am targeting the East Village location because I have attended their classes and payment is a suggested donation.  

 

I have paid varying amounts, even as little as $1.  Shhhhhh

 

They teach vinyasa yoga and the plus is that your child(ren) can take the class with you.  

 

I took my children once.  My son got on the mat and fell asleep before the class started, my daughter attempted most moves but did go into childlike pose many times to get a relief from the difficult moves.

 

Child like pose:

Schedule & Fees

All classes 60 minutes unless otherwise noted

Monday thru Friday

7am, 10am, 12pm, 2pm, 4:30pm 6pm, 7:30pm, 9pm

Saturday

10am, 12pm, 2pm, 5pm, 7pm

Sunday

10am, 12pm (90min), 2pm, 5pm
7pm (candle-lit) & 8:30pm (candle-lit)

Classes ………………………………….. $10 suggested donation
Mat Rental ……………………………… $2
Water …………………………………….. $1

No registration necessary!
Please arrive at least 15 minutes early for class

 I strongly recommend their classes.  The instructors are wonderful.  No registration needed.

 

 3. Shape-Up NYC

http://www.nycgovparks.org/programs/recreation/shape-up-nyc 

This is an option that is completely FREE.

NYC Parks and Recreation trains people to be group fitness leaders and once these people have passed the trainer course they do a 6 month internship where they teach fitness classes in various locations all over NYC and at different times.  

Most of these instructors continue to volunteer after the internship is finished.  I am one of those people.  

This is my class description:

Bedford Stuyvesant Family Health Center	Shape Up NYC: Dance Fitness	Monday	6:30 p.m.-7:30 p.m.
From Jan 14, 2013 Age: Teen, Adult, Senior Address: 1456 Fulton Street Phone: 718-636-4500 An exciting workout that uses easy-to-follow dance steps to increase cardiovascular fitness and tone the body. This instructor is part of the NYC Parks Fitness Instructor Training Program. This is a great program because many people bring their children to participate in the class.  I have instructed people as young as 5 up to senior citzens.  Check the link and find a free class near you.  They offer yoga, zumba, intesati, tabata, dance, ballet, boot camp etc. No registration needed.

* Some of the instructors were certified instructors prior to this Shape up NYC training program. 

4. Emblem Health

http://emblemhealthlivehealthy.com/upcoming-events/ 

They offer free fitness and nutrition classes in Brooklyn and Chinatown.  They ask that you register on-line.

Here are an example of their classes:

Exercise 101

Low Impact Aeorobics with Kiki

Afro-Caribbean Dance

Acutherapy

Lifeguarded Fitness Free Swim

Zumba

Fitness Thursdays

Yoga: Mimi-for-Me Yoga Studio

Cardio Kickboxing w/ Roman

Zumba

Total Body Conditioning

  

Brrrr, I know it's cold but It is time to think about Summer Camp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Free and Low Cost NYC Summer Camps

With weather below zero, it's hard to think about summer. But before you know it, summer will be here.  You will have to plan for those two months when children are not in school.

March is the key month to summer planning.  New York Family magazine has already begun hosting summer camp fairs.

http://www.newyorkfamily.com/camps/

Summer camp is broken into two categories.
Day camp and sleepover.

Summer camp prices in New York City range from free to low cost to extremely expensive.

Summer Camp activities range from basic babysitting to very active and even thematic.

I will give a few free and low cost options.  Just so you know, these options fill up quickly and are usually first come-first serve.  Some have income requirements but many do not.




Free-Sleep-Away Camp

Fresh Air Fund

Fresh Air Fund has provided inner city children with free camp experiences since 1877.  They offer an opportunity for children to attend typical summer camp:

Camp Anita Bliss Coler (ABC) – Girls only, ages 9-12
Camp Hayden-Marks – Boys only, ages 9-12
Camp Tommy – Boys only, ages 12 ½-15
Camp Hidden Valley – Girls and boys, ages 8-12, serving children with and without special needs
Camp Mariah – Girls and boys, admission is restricted to children who are currently in the 6th grade

or to stay at a host families house. 

http://www.freshair.org/get-an-application

Lost Cost Sleep-Away Camp

YMCA

The YMCA camp is for boys and girls ages 6 to 16. There are two villages, McAlister (ages 6 to 12) and Talcott (ages 12 to 15). Activities include swimming lessons, a wide variety of sports, arts and crafts, outdoor living skills, media program, canoeing, Wibit, and our ropes courses. They also offer specialty programs that include water skiing, horseback riding, and rafting trips for a small additional fee.

They have a three tiered price range depending on family income.

1 Week Session
Tier 1: $859
Tier 2: $759
Tier 3: $659
2 Week Session
Tier 1: $1,589
Tier 2: $1,389
Tier 3: $1,189


Free Day Camp

1.  New York City Department of Youth and Community Development (DYCD) has been providing youth and family services since 1996.   They offer free afterschool programs and summer day camp programs.  I will highlight two of their programs.

         a. Beacon Programs:
Beacons programs are school-based community centers serving children age 6 and older and adults. There are currently 80 Beacons located throughout the five boroughs of New York City, operating in the afternoons and evenings, on weekends, during school holidays and vacation periods, including the summer. 

         b. Out-Of-School Time:  
The Out-of-School Time (OST) Program provides a mix of academic, recreational and cultural activities afterschool, during holidays and summer vacation for young people enrolled in grades K-12.   Programs are free of charge and are located in neighborhoods across all five boroughs of New York City. 

Visit their website:
http://www.nyc.gov/html/dycd/html/home/home.shtml 

Use their search engine to find a location that you would want your child in and the grade of your child.
Call and visit the program before applying.  

***Summer should be a time of fun and not stress.  I used the OST program, North Brooklyn Development Corporation.  I love the director and her dedication to the program.  I tried another OST program years ago and was unhappy about the lack of activities and pulled my son out after a week.  

There are locations all over New York City.


2. Semaa

Science, Engineering, Mathematics and Aerospace Academy at York College. They have served over 14,000 students since 1999. 

The York College SEMAA summer program runs for three weeks (July 8 through July 26, 2013), Mon-Fri, from 9 am-noon, with lunch included.   Grades 3-6th

Registration has not started yet but here is the website:

http://www.york.cuny.edu/academics/departments/arts-and-sciences/semaa 

3. Sports & Arts in Schools Foundation (SASF)

They offer traditional half-day City Council Sports & Arts Camps, half-day Academic Camps, full and half-day OST Camps, McKinney Camps, Sports Clinics, and Family Sustained Camps. All free of charge and at various locations.  

http://www.sasfny.org/ 

4. PAL, Police Athletic League

PAL provides educational, recreational and cultural programs that inspire and support children throughout the year. PAL offers after-school programs for children ages six to13, as well as summer day camps, and teen evening programs during the school year. 

 http://www.palnyc.org/800-PAL-4KIDS/Home.aspx

Low Cost Day Camp

1. NYC Parks and Recreation

The NYC Parks Experience Summer Day Camp program is an exciting chance for children ages 6 to 13 to have a fun-filled summer! Your child will engage in sports, fitness, and outdoor adventure and take part in many of New York City’s rich cultural and educational opportunities.

Cost

All camps offer Regular Day from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.; select camps offer an Extended Day option from 8:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m.

• Regular Day Camp Rate (9:00 a.m. – 5:00 p.m., Monday – Friday): $500 per child for 7 weeks
• Extended Day Camp Rate (8:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m., Monday – Friday): $575 per child for 7 weeks (available at select sites)

Registration for the NYC Parks Experience Summer Day Camp program will be open Friday, March 7 – Sunday, March 16, 2014.

http://www.nycgovparks.org/registration/summercamp/ 

2. YMCA

The YMCA offers traditional camp, swim camp, art camp and sport camp.  They have two week sessions.  The cost is low and there are a variety of locations.  They offer financial assistance if you qualify and they accept the various city voucher programs.

http://www.ymcanyc.org/association/preview/pages/day-camp