LOVE DOESN'T HURT!!!!!!!!
As much as I've loved myself and thought the world of how smart, beautiful, funny and caring I am; I have found myself in not the best relationships and friendships.
Why?
Because in my developing years, someone gave me mixed messages about love.
They've hurt my feelings, crushed my spirits and dreams, insulted me, scared me, abused people I've love but still were able to mouth the words "I love you."
I would start thinking of strategies to get this person not to say or do hurtful this. I would change what I say and do. I would try to get them to love me right. That is unacceptable love.
2 things that I see:
1. Facebook videos with parents of savagely beating their children.
Whenever they post these videos, people go on and on about how the parent is right for "whooping" their kids.
It's not right, it's called abuse. This will lead to low self-esteem, poor communication from parent to child etc.
When we watch films like 12 Years a Slave we are appalled by the violence but when we see whipping on minors we encourage it.
What happened that lead to the child's "improper" behaviors?
I just saw a Facebook post where a parent gave his kid a humiliating haircut for bad grades, how about helping him with his work, talking to the child, hiring a tutor.
Humiliating your child is not the answer.
Perhaps talking, praying, consulting others would be a practical way of handling it.
2. Reality shows with African-African and Latino women fighting each other
I have hosted and gone to many events with woman and there were disagreements and it never lead to hair pulling, drinks poured in faces, or fist fights.
But when I watch these shows people use words like "She deserved it"
We cannot tell our children that it's ok to hit if someone says something that they don't like.
No one deserves to be hit because they've said something that they don't like.
*****
I grew up in a different era in Prospect Heights Brooklyn.
I remember peers saying that their parents would say things like "If someone hits you, you better beat them up because if you don't; when you come home, I will beat you up" Usually this statement had curse words in it.
Imagine the fear of that. How can you concentrate when you go to school? And how does the kid who is coming from a non-violent home fair in that environment.
I have had school yard fights etc. The 80's and 90's were ridiculously violent in Brooklyn, but as Maya Angelou said "When you know better you do better"
After watching Oprah's 20 year anniversary where several times she talked about not spanking children and that when the bible says "Spare the rod and spoil the child" it was misinterpreted. The rod is meant to lead the child and when you don't lead them the right way, they spoil or rot.
Either way, I have chosen not to spank, criticize or devalue my children. There are tons of successful people whom have not been spanked or humiliated.
Love Does Not Hurt
ExposureMom
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